Tag Archives: bereavement

Associate Paula Fowle

Are you recently bereaved or struggling to come to terms with a life changing illness?
Are you a fellow professional looking for supervision or mentoring support?

Paula Fowle

Ways to work with me:

  • Therapy for bereavement or recovering from a life changing illness and trying to get your life back on track.
  • Supervision for professionals who help others who are qualified or in training,
  • Mentoring newly qualified therapists as they navigate setting up in Private Practice.

I am an experienced professional with a passion to help others. I have worked as a therapist 15 years and more recently a supervisor. I work face to face and online.

We can work together at your pace as you recover or undergo treatment for a life changing illness.

Trying to find your way following the loss of a family member or close friend takes time and courage. Together we can work at your pace as your attempt to understand the effect of your loss and consider working towards the future.

I am passionate to support trainee counsellors and therapists as they select and begin placements together, we can consider which placement is the best fit for you and your study requirements.

Are you considering the next steps in your career post qualification? I can work with you as a mentor to guide you towards setting up your private practice.


Therapy:

From £45 per session

Supervision/Mentoring:

From £50 per hour -Student rates considered for weekly/fortnightly appointments.

Private Practice Mentoring

Have you finished your studies and now qualified as a Counsellor or Psychotherapist and considering your next career steps?

If you decide to set up in Private Practice, I would like to offer my experience and knowledge to help you advance your career and achieve your goals.

I have been qualified as a Counsellor since 2012 and working in Private Practice since October 2020. During my career it has always been very important to me to have a good supporting network around me as my career progressed. This was especially necessary during the time I was considering and then took steps to set up my Private Practice.

I hope that some of the experiences that I have had will help you to navigate the next steps of your career.

I am offering a one-year package, or longer if we choose to continue, in which I will share my knowledge to help you through the process of setting up and growing your own Private Practice.

The package includes the following:

Monthly 1-hour sessions with information and resources to help you set up and grow your Practice.

Our session may include:

  • Choosing the right space for your Practice – whether it be home or office based.
  • Legal and Ethical requirements – including the recording of Supervision and CPD sessions.
  • How to advertise and get yourself known – support with directory profiles and entries.
  • Setting up of client documentation, including contracts.
  • Managing your diary and client appointments to fit with other personal commitments.
  • How to take and record your client notes.
  • Setting up of your finance records and how to record your monthly income and

expenditure and what record keeping is required.

  • Invoicing and dealing with non-payment of sessions fees.
  • Measuring your progress and seeking evaluation.
  • Self-care and peer support.
  • Review of progress – One year on – Where are you now? What are the next steps you would like to consider.

Our sessions can be either online or face to face, whatever works best for you.

The fee for each session is £45.00. (Introductory Price)

Call me on 0776 0840009 to book an appointment for FREE 30minnute introductory chat or email me on paulafowle63@gmail.com .


Contact:
paulafowle63@gmail.com
0776 0840009
www.counselling-directory.org.uk/counsellors/paula-fowle

Christmas 2022

I am aware that we are heading towards another Christmas  – gosh, they do seem to come around quickly! We get taught that Christmas, along with festivals such as Hanukkah, Eid and Diwali, is a happy celebratory time and for many it will be. There are also many who, for various reasons, won’t be celebrating and I am particularly mindful of these folk as we head towards our holidays.

Festivals and loss

Christmas, like most festive celebrations, can evoke difficult feelings such as loss and can be really tough for those where there’s an aspect of one’s identity that isn’t shared openly or is ridiculed. Family events can be tortuous.

Problematic relationships can get highlighted at these times; it brings home the sadness and pain of broken and/or unresolved difficulties.

Many people experience bereavement around Christmas or other festive times, and it can influence how future Christmases etc pan out. Whilst the rest of the world (seemingly) is gearing up for excitement there are others experiencing excruciating pain. Empty chairs at Christmas are difficult reminders that a loved one is missing, or perhaps a child who never got the opportunity to experience Christmas. There will also be those knowing an empty chair is on the horizon; the impending loss.

It can also be difficult for those in recovery. With so much focus on alcohol, how do people keep themselves safe? The cost-of-living crisis inevitably will make this year tough for many also with people not being able to heat their homes or pay other bills, never mind buying expensive presents. Loneliness and isolation become a feature.

Good? Bad?

Like most situations and festive occasions, Christmas won’t be all good or all bad. There are likely to be a mix of difficult moments and moments of joy and contentment. How do we fully engage with all our experiences in the moment and how can we better look ourselves where there are moments of difficulty?

Self-care looks like different things to each and every one of us and it can be helpful to remind ourselves up front what brings comfort and have it on standby. Agency is also important. Where situations feel unhelpful, do you have to go, stay as long? Can you find something that brings you joy to do afterwards. Can you find peace within even if you are doing something you’d rather not be doing.

Can you allow yourself to experience the feeling of envy towards what others might have and offer yourself some compassion in return?

However you will be spending your Christmas/Hanukkha/solstice/winter holiday, the team and myself wish you peace and inner calm as we bring 2022 to a close.

And then it happened to me…

Paula Fowle 23 August 2021

I was on it

Having worked as a counsellor for a long time with a keen interest in bereavement support and anticipated loss support, feeling that I was ‘On it’ and could cope, little did I know!!! Recently my world was tipped upside down when hearing ‘the news that nobody wants to hear’ (see previous blog)

My ‘tailspin’

My dearest friend of very 30 years has been fighting various types of Cancer for the last 15 years, we have been together through scans, treatments, good news and bad. But recently hearing that ‘there was nothing else to be done’ apart from palliative care and ’End of Life Plan’ through me in a tailspin.

Where did all the things that have learnt in my training go?

Sitting in the chair supporting a client over the years has been a privilege, giving support to patients and their families whilst preparing death bed wills to ensure that those last-minute wishes are taken care of, ensuring that what ever can be achieved on the ‘Bucket list’ can be done is taken care of too. Seeing the path of acceptance and that final letting go of life when the patient feels their work here is done.

The patient knows best

I guess one thing that I have learnt during these special journeys is that the patient knows best, the patient is always the one in control, yes, the medication and pain relief help but the final decision to let go belongs to the patient and I know that the journey that my friend and I are on now will be the same.

What does dying feel like?

It is heart breaking watching someone so close slipping away, spending hour after hour in bed, waiting and wondering what is to come next and how it will feel. As we have joked about on many an occasion since the news broke, its not as though you can ring someone up and ask’ hey what does dying feel like?’

Finding the continuing bond

I have searched for things to help and things to make this manageable, but I feel now that there is nothing. I know when the time come it will be hard for me as it has been hard for my clients’ families to see but like them, I will get through it and what I have learnt will stand me in good stead. I just need to confidence to reach out for it and like others learn to create my ‘Continuing bond’

Finding the inspiration

A real inspiration for me has been the book ‘Languages of Loss ‘written by Sasha Bates. In the book Sasha takes the journey to fight with her grief following the sudden death of her Husband. She shares her struggle with her ‘professional self’ and her’ emotional self’. The death brings into question everything she has ever learned and believed would help her clients along the path in their grief journeys but amazingly she gets to a place of peace and understanding and slowly starts finds a way back….

Courage and time

I hope and I know that I will be the same, it will take time, courage but I will always have my memories of all that my Friend, and I have shared, nothing will ever take that away.

On hearing those dreaded words – ‘I am so deeply sorry we have done all that we can’

Paula Fowle 03 August 2021

Hearing the news

Terminal illness and bereavement. How many of us have been in this position, seeing a much-loved family member, a dear friend or colleague heroically fighting illness. Trying cope with every type of medication, treatment and advice thrown at them. To then receive the news that despite attempting every known route possible there is nothing more that the medical teams can do.

This is when the imaginary food mixer in the tummy kicks in!!!

Everyone around us is trying to cope and understand what has been said and what the future holds. none of us like uncertainty.

What are we supposed to do?

Each one of us will react in a different way and it may be hard to understand what others are feeling and saying. There will be a lot of questions that come to mind as together we all search for the answers.

Terminal illness and bereavement – what’s the impact on us and those around us?

The impact on a family is huge when such news is received. There may be a lot of uncertainty about how much time is left, who do you need to share this information with. You may feel overwhelmed with fear and sadness.

How do I tell my children, what will they want to know?

If there are children involved each one will want information that they can digest and cope with; their reaction may be difficult for you to understand and leave you feeling more isolated that ever.

You may be wondering who is going to support you.

There will be a lot of questions after hearing the news for the well parent. this can be a real dilemma and a physically and emotionally exhausting time.

One of the hardest parts of all of this may be the disruption of the family routine and the change of roles within the family unit.

If poorly parent is a stay-at-home parent taking care of the children, the family home, and the dog, suddenly this is about to change. Few of us like change at any time but especially not in such circumstances as this.

Who is going to do the school run?

Who is going to do the washing and ironing?

Who gets the dinner and who will walk the dog?

Introduction of Others

The disruption may mean that others are stepping in to help either professionals or other family members or friends.

This may lead to the children feeling vulnerable and unsure possibly displaying actions and talking in a way that you have not been heard before, it is important to remember that everyone is hurting.

We all hurt in our own way, not all of us are able to reach out, some retreat into their shells.

Retreating into our shell

I have the image of a tortoise being unsure of a new route to take and withdrawing his head into their shell. These reactions can be hard to take particularly when you are feeling under pressure to hold things together and be there for everyone else.

The impact on the well parent is huge. The news may leave them confused, both physically and mentally exhausted. Although there may have been a lot of doubt about the future until these words are spoken there is always hope and a place for denying the truth.

Why wouldn’t you?? It is so hard to let go of someone special someone you love isn’t it.? To see the plans, the hopes and the dreams that were made for the future be swept away.

You may well be feeling, yesterday was a happy day … today I am not sure what type of day it is…

It’s all different now suddenly there are feelings of sadness, fear, and anger. There may also be feelings of wanting the suffering to stop but not being able to let go invoking feelings of guilt at ‘choosing the easy way out’.

Reaching out for support

There is no easy way to face such a situation but by seeking support from a Bereavement Counsellor you may feel be able to find your way. You will find acknowledgement in a non-judgemental way of your worries, your fears, and the stress of living with many uncertainties.

Trying to find your strengths … they will still be there

The support offered will give you an open space to communicate the fears and feelings that you may not want to share with others, it will help you to explore your strengths and encourage you to use them. It will give you a place to explore your fears for the future and to celebrate the good times in the past.

Making a plan

The time spent can offer an opportunity to plan what you need to say to your children, you know it will feel uncomfortable and will be distressing, think about what you might want them to know, what questions they might ask, it might be tricky dealing with the questions that come back at you, hopefully some of the time spent with your Counsellor can prepare you for this.

None of us are perfect

The one thing to remember with all of this, is we don’t always get things right. This situation will be different for us all; there is no right or wrong way.

Allow time for the news to sink in. Grant yourself the thinking time. By seeking support for yourself you will find the strength to support those suffering around you too.

A final thought:

Reaching out at a time of loss is the hardest thing to contemplate. A listening ear can offer you a safe place as you try to weather the storm.

See part 2