Resilience to engage in dialogue

In my work with the BACP Ethics team I wonder how many complaints or threat of complaints could be resolved by simply having open dialogue. In the hearing and telling of each perspective we get the opportunity for greater understanding of ourselves and others, though this does require a level of bravery for all involved. 

As therapists we need to have done enough work on our own emotional development so that we can truly tolerate hearing clients tell us that we have got something wrong. Reacting without retaliation, but with compassion and understanding is hopefully our goal. With an apology we can often bring in challenge where it’s needed so that we can help clients to see what part they may have played in the situation as well as check out our own responses.

Therapists often have a dual role (and it’s these dual roles so often at the heart of conflict) so it’s also really important to be able to voice our concerns, disappointment, frustration etc. with our therapist, supervisor or manager. Without that open dialogue, ruptures go unrepaired and the roots of the conflict (envy, anger, frustration, misunderstanding etc.) are left unchecked and can fester into something much bigger than was originally there. We understand that sometimes clients need to run away from dialogue to (un)consciously generate a repeat of previous unresolved conflict.

Our aim is hopefully one of providing the opportunity for a different sort of ending or response than has been experienced previously. We can only provide that space; the client then choses whether they can take the risk for a new experience. The same space is provided for supervisees and colleagues. In having more than one role we need to develop the resilience to engage in those difficult conversations. If we don’t have the resilience to engage in dialogue the relationship can break down and potentially result in unresolved conflict. 

In my own experience, across my roles of client, therapist, supervisor and manager, I have seen the benefits of open dialogue in bringing about change both for myself and others.